“I talk sex because I was raped – and too ashamed to report it”

“I talk sex because sexual predators take advantage of women’s silence. When I was raped, it took me a while to even realise what had happened to me. Because it did not happen in the way that we see on TV: I was not dragged into a dark alley and beaten within an inch of my life. I was on a first date. He took me to dinner. We kissed. He raped me. I blamed myself and was too ashamed to report him until 2 years after it happened. He never saw a court room.  

“Not talking about sex has allowed the lines between sex and rape to become blurry. We are unsure of ourselves and, in a time when it is still more shameful to be a rape victim than it is to be a rapist, we blame ourselves and allow ourselves to be silenced by our sense of shame.  

“Having been raped changed my life. It changed how I look at sex and how I look at men. I still feel the desire, but I no longer feel capable of allowing myself to let go, to trust anyone enough to be naked, to make myself so vulnerable. I am scared to not be able to control a situation. Scared it will happen again and not sure how to overcome that fear and get back to enjoying a healthy sex life.

“Talking about sex allows me to air my worries and work through my feelings. By talking about sex, we can overcome shame, eradicate stigma and help each other overcome challenges to live a fulfilling life, in and out of the bedroom.”

Connect with Sarah on twitter at @SarahBeilfuss

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