For all of my life monogamy was the only relationship type. To be fair, that is all I knew. There was no other choice and people who had more than one partner were just ‘weird’ and ‘sinners’ Cheaters were evil narcissists who left a trail of broken hearts because they wanted to.
As the years have passed, meeting people, hosting so many talks and getting educated about relationships and sex my views have naturally changed. Just like everything in life our relationship style should be a choice. We are forced to believe that there is only one way, the monogamous way. So, regardless if it is not what we want we force ourselves to fit into the box. When we struggle to fit into the said box we beat ourselves up by mentally torturing ourselves. Which of course causes a downward spiral of hurt, betrayal and even more self hate.
Einstein said ‘The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result’. So how about we stop being insane and do something different. So here are top tips to Leaving Monogamy.
Learn, learn, and learn.
Educate yourself on the different aspects of non-monogamy from both resources available and folks’ experiences to help you better negotiate and create a healthy environment where your relationships can grow.
Don’t be scared of change.
Same as everything in life, adopting non-monogamy and pursuing your ideal approach will remain a work in progress. It’s not easy to know what you want and don’t want before experiencing it so allow you and your partners to be wrong.
Be open about your intentions.
There is no wrong reason to pursue ethical non-monogamy, as long as you are open and honest about it. To avoid misleading folks, be upfront about the level of physical, sexual, and emotional involvement you are comfortable having.
Always keep an open eye for red flags.
It’s easy to be discouraged by or in awe of other folks who have been practising non-monogamy for longer but don’t let anyone tell you your opinions count less because of that lack of experience. If your gut feeling is telling you something or if something doesn’t feel right, it is valid to step away when you sense toxic behaviours
Read Leaving Monogamy for even more tips on how to explore something different. In partnership with Lovers and Friends Leaving monogamy is a quick guide to begin your journey or a really simple reference point if you are already on your journey and need little reminder.