We caught up with Ruth Ramsay to talk about her inspiration behind her upcoming column Sex Coaching, Stripped.
Award-winning striptease artist turned erotic empowerment coach, Ruth Ramsay, found her way to sexual empowerment and erotic confidence through over a decade of disrobing on-stage. Performing to audiences of varied ages, gender identities and degrees of physical abilities/disabilities, in locations as far afield as Taipei, London and New York, she developed her theory that our erotic spirit exists independently of our age, gender and physical state. Who we are erotically, when freed from convention and conditioning, taps into our deepest selves, and in her coaching she seeks to provide the safe supported space for your true erotic self to emerge and be explored. In her monthly column she blends stories from her dancing years (sometimes raunchy, sometimes sad, sometimes hilarious) with self-coaching exercises, to help you access your unique erotic spirit and step out confidently and joyfully onto the erotic stage of your life.
Hi Ruth, please tell us a bit about yourself
My passion in life is helping other people be fulfilled. You know when coaches ask, “what did you enjoy doing when you were three years old?” – I asked my mum that and her reply was “helping me with what I was doing, it didn’t matter what that was.” My other passions are sex, vegan food, clubbing/electronic dance music, and the beautiful island of Ibiza. I’m 45, a wife, stepmom and cat-mum. I inherited a ‘happy gene’ from my dad and my default setting is ‘happy’. That doesn’t mean I haven’t been through some shit – I have – or that I don’t sometimes struggle – I do – but I tend to look for positives in every situation. I’ve got a good self-care regime and a fabulous coach myself, which helps.
How did you get to doing this role?
I’ll try to put this in a nutshell, or I’ll write for hours! I started my career-life as a journalist but after a few unsatisfying years, had the opportunity to pursue a long-held fantasy of being a stripease artist. That led to over a decade immersed in the erotic world – dancing, modelling, teaching striptease and poledance, and travelling around the world campaigning for the rights of people in the adult industries and for the erotic rights of people with disabilities. I won an award recognising my campaigning for these causes. I was living my passion and loving every moment. But fast-forward 12 years and combination of the industry changing (the venues in London I most loved were closing down), awareness that in this work ageing over 40 was going to mean restriction in work choice, but most of all meeting my soul mate who could not move to the city, meant I phased out of erotica (mostly) and set up as a fitness trainer. I dedicated my next seven years to that and to building a happy stepfamily, but once my stepkids left home, I allowed myself to feel how I wasn’t satisfied. I retrained as a life coach, but it was thanks to an acquaintance who asked me to coach them around sex, that I found my niche as an erotic empowerent coach. It hadn’t occurred to me, that that could be an area for coaching. The session was incredible and I felt like I had come ‘home’. That was almost a year ago and I am back to living my passion.
Why did you decide to write Sex Coaching, Stripped column?
When I was first designing the coaching business I wasn’t sure how ‘out’ to be about my dancing past. I know for many people, hearing someone was a stripper can trigger some very negative emotions and assumptions, and I have been on the unedited receiving end of that many times over the years. It’s been kind of peaceful, the past several years, without that! And I’ve questioned whether I want to go back into the firing line. But the more I have developed as a coach and the more I have examined my experience (at the time I was a full time dancer, I didn’t analyse what I was doing, I was too busy living and loving it), the more I have realised the growth and experiences are a crucial part of what I bring to my coaching. My direct experience of working with erotic energy – mine and others – is what allows me to hold a space for clients where they feel safe to deeply examine their erotic selves. The opportunity to write this column came around the same time as me realising my stripping past is part of my coaching superpower! So I definitely wanted to bring that into the column. With a column you want people to be keen for the next installment, and people (even if they are anti-strip) are captivated and intrigued by my stories from those years. So I hope that will hook people in, then the self-coaching exercises will be a trigger for empowering transformations that will make them really value the content. Sonder & Beam is about empowering all who identify as women, so I wanted the column to include practical exercises.
Can you give us a sneak peak into what to expect from this column?
Like the experienced stripper I am, I’m going to tease you and will make you wait – no sneak peaks, haha! But I’ll say now that each column will start with a story from my stripper years (which may be raunchy, or funny, or sad, or “wow, I never knew that!”), which will then flow into the self-coaching exercise.
What would you like women to get out of this column?
I’d like women to be entertained, uplifted, empowered, educated and excited!
Read Sex Coaching, stripped every month with Ruth. Sign up to our mailing list to stay updated to all posts.
Founder of Sonder & Beam.