The Dolly Parton 9-5 approach is changing, and the way that we manage our modern lives is on the move, so why doesn’t that mean that we can take this attitude forward into our sex lives?
We understand the term sexual fluidity to be that sexuality is not fixed or concrete, but the thing is we have never assumed that anything in the rest of our lives is static, so it’s interesting that we would apply a different theory to our sexuality. What we now understand more clearly is that we as humans are often context dependent. Far from being complicated this actually seems like a more simplistic understanding of who or what we are attracted to in the moment. In terms of preference in the rest of our lives we celebrate it – for example if you went to a new restaurant or cuisine, you might try something different, but the key thing is that nobody would ask you to explain your choice. You just look at a menu, something takes your eye, and you go for it.
Of course there are those of us who are instinctively sure about what we like and don’t like, and that’s also fine if that’s what makes us happy; but what that doesn’t mean that we should pass judgement on those that have a more open personal perspective. Too often people are happy to offer comment on a sexuality definition that is other than heterosexual or gay, we hear critical comments like ‘pick a side’ or ‘stop being greedy’ and these such phrases come from a place of ignorance and lack of understanding which is out of place in the modern world we live in. We also understand that fluid sexuality isn’t the same as bisexuality, which is an attraction to both gender identities. By definition, fluidity is not labelled and is freeing, allowing sexual attraction to swing back and forth in a more person focused, than gender focused way.
We also see a movement of businesses breaking the mould and providing safe spaces where women take charge and come first such as Skirt Club and Killing Kittens, the latter of whose website quotes that it’s ‘where sexy is not a shape it’s an attitude’ and this is a message that we should explore in more ways. Attraction is still impossible to completely theorise. Yes, there are people who are considered more universally attractive than others, and media preferences for particular body types. We also know that evolutionary theory states that we admire and are attracted to facial symmetry, but it can’t explain that, in the moment spark, or feeling we have when we catch someone’s eye, or how we feel when our skin touches theirs. Some things are just human to human at times or in a moment beyond gender or sexuality, and this is sexual fluidity.
It is about curiosity and empowerment.
We should be facilitating a space for healthy sexuality to flourish and for it to be welcomed.
After all our sexuality is an integral part of us, why should we not be creative with it as long as what we are doing is between adults with enthusiastic consent?
To be sexually empowered is to have the sex life that you want, and to be focused on your own pleasure rather than having sex because you ‘should’ or feel it is expected of you. All of this links back to one concluding point, you get to design your own healthy sex life, the choice is yours as to what that looks like.
Sexual & Relationship Psychotherapist Accredited by COSRT & Registered by UKCP